I want to discuss my experience with CBD.
I started taking the medication last week.
I have noticed many positive changes.
It seems to increase the amount of time my amygdala takes to react to frustrations.
I am able to avoid impulsively hitting, biting and headbutting
It also makes my body feel much more relaxed.
I normally carry a lot of tension in my tendons and ligament, CBD helps relieve this.
I think everyone should try it.
The summer is coming to an end.
The sweet wheat of autumn approaches.
There is a unique longing in the summer, which will turn to contentment in the months to come.
I await the colors of fire, blood and dandelions.
The crunch of stale leaves beneath my feet is palpable even now.
I will welcome the brisk sweater buttoning winds.
But I will miss the freeing endless evenings.
Do not look back too long.
There are violent terrors.
The future is unwritten yet.
I know as it unfolds I will embrace it.
I will do the best I can.
One day we will be painted in a different light.
May this day come before my death.
May we, with scrambled frontal lobes, run countries.
The trees would be lined like long lazy rivers.
Maybe we will let you see them too.
May we, with banana fingers, break barriers.
The lines in roads where bicycles brake will bend and blur.
May we, the tragic ones, find freedom.
The sky will be filled.
I think, very soon, we will.
There are people out there with wings.
My world attracts them.
They swoop down like laundry down a chute and enlighten my life.
I smell their effervescent roses long after they leave.
I have to remember them in the coming weeks.
For boredom beckons.
I smell that too.
It smells like paper towels.
I viciously will wet my hands while I still can.
It is so great to be making new connections.
I never knew what it means to have friends.
I'm starting to get it.
I hope that one day I will have many friends.
I love getting emails and comments.
It makes me feel like I am not alone.
To those of you who've contacted me, thank you so much.
To those who just read, please say hi.
I need all of you.
When I was a child I was completely alone.
I couldn't talk or laugh or play.
Now I have a voice.
I want to make up for lost time.
It was blood red.
The whole room was red.
Each teller, banker, even the bowl of candy, all red.
My body was a bowl of jello flung across the room by my amygdala.
It's target: my mother.
That's how it happens.
One second I am a placid lake.
The next second I am a wild animal.
You can ask any one of my family members and they'll tell you the same thing.
And so each moment of joy has an accompanying moment of remorse.
I think I've aged a thousand years.
I don't like it.
I feel like I can hold onto that tiny string of control I have and learn to harness It.
I can see it.
Amongst the clouds, dust and specs of matter there it is.
It is illuminated.
I want to clamp my jaws on it and hold on.
I want to be the puppet master of my body.
I want to never let go.
I am superstitious.
I am also religious.
I am smart.
I am also an idiot.
I want help.
I am also helpless.
I want to be independent.
I am also incredIbly needy.
I am intentionally thoughtful.
I am also unpredictably impulsive.
I am physically affectionate.
I am also agressive and violent.
I am human.
I am also autistic.
The fake plants in my house are like tropical fireworks.
As I shake them left and right they cross vast spacious planes.
My eyes giggle as this spectacle unfolds.
The noise of the fan In my study dances across the pallet of my eardrum.
Each gust of air like rushing water.
My finger taps the edge on the broken spine of an old anatomy textbook.
It sounds like the crunch of a thousand graham crackers
I will never know your sensory experience.
But right now im enjoying mine.
Today has been really cool.
I am so thrilled that people are reading and connecting with my blog.
At the same time I am so frustrated with how difficult it is to type.
My hand feels like a brick and my shoulder like a worn out conveyor belt from the industrial age.
My warming body feels like melted butter.
I have had a fever for almost three years.
I wonder if it's related to my autism.
I wish I could smile when I feel happy.
My cheeks would be stretched out like a plucked string on an old upright bass.
I would keep smiling all week because all of you have made feel so special.
Who cares about a little fever?