Nature is perfect.
It, in its entirety, is perfect.
I am a spoke on a wheel.
I am a branch on a tree.
Although I am flawed, I am part of a flawless system.
I should remember that more often.
You should remember that too.
Do not get angry for you are meant to be just as you are.
Maybe you were born without a voice so another could speak.
Maybe you were born with a loud voice to defend the voiceless.
My mom was born to be part of a perfect system.
She was born with a voice loud enough for two.
Although she is flawed, she is part of a flawless system.
She should remember that more often.
My mom was my voice for twenty three years and i love her for that.
Now as she and I age, I have developed my own voice.
And I love her for that too.
Children, when things get tough, know that your mother loves you very much, and learn to love her too.
Today i got to sleep in.
I dreamt that i had a different life.
I was an author.
I had a normal life.
I could talk and what i said was an actual reflection of my thoughts.
This one is hard to write.
Nowadays, in my real life, my mouth acts like a babbling lunatic.
When I want to say something it just spits out absolute nonsense.
I hate speaking.
I dreamt of another world last night too.
It was a world of silence.
A speck of dust hit the ground with a thunderous roar.
All the people pantomimed purposefully.
They all had sad eyes.
I was content.
I woke up ashamed.
I would never wish this curse upon anyone else.
We are here.
We with rapidly moving limbs, who trace shapes in the air.
We with head bob non-logical dances.
We with non eye contact mathematical brilliance.
We with bent finger food all over embarrassment.
We with bodies dangling from fine twine tacked to frontal lobes of applesauce linguine.
We are here.
Today is my first day writing on here.
I have many things i want to express and look forward to this endeavor.
I will start with this morning.
While I was designing this blog with my teacher Jeff, my mom interrupted by yelling at him to drink his tea before it gets cold.
My brain told my body to get mad.
My body, with its overdramatic nature, interpretted this as get furious and aggressive.
Within seconds it flipped the table over, hit my head multiple times, and put a marker in my mouth.
This is the constant contradictory theme of my daily life.
I went to the bathroom just a second ago.
I comprehend the most minute and specific details; walk in the room , Put both hands in pockets and apply a downward force, pull pants down, pull the seat cover off, sit down, apply internal pressure just below mid abdomen, push until the bladder is empty, flush with right hand, stand up, face the sink, turn the sink handle counter clockwise, grab the bar of soap, scrub for 30 seconds, turn the sInk off, dry hands and exit.
However, for the life of me i can't get my body to listen.
Today my body wouldn't sit down and it covered the seat with urine.
Yesterday it did the steps out of order and I ended up pantsless in the kitchen.
Same story different day, eh?
I don't want this blog to be depressing, there are many great things in my life, but I do want thIs blog to be authentic.
I guess ill leave It there for now.
Until next time, Sami